Monday, July 24, 2006

fine! you want a post???

ok...so i was banging this guy....

Sunday, May 28, 2006

moving day

well its saturday night...and after being up since 9am helping my dad move i finally get to relax with a few margaritas. today, me, my dad, his girlfriend debra, my brother tom, brother in law tommy, and some of tommy's friends helped my dad move to a different apt today. the guys helped move the big stuff and me and deb stayed behind to clean up the old apt. she cleaned one bathroom and i wound up cleaning the main bathroom. later on in the old apt...when it was just me, tom, deb and my dad, deb called me over to the main bathroom
deb: "Christine come here a second"
me: "sure deb what's up?"
deb :"this bathroom...it kind of smells to me...doesn't it kind of smell like a sewer?"
at this point my brother is walking over and i'm kind of laughing...meanwhile deb continues
deb" man it really smells horrible in here, christine i know you cleaned it"
tom is now with us and i'm hysterical laughing
deb:"tom come here...do you smell something? i swear it smells like a sewer in here, it's horrible!"
tom: "yeah thats cuz i just took a dump"
me: hahahahahaha
deb starts laughing "oh tom...hahaha...i didnt see you go in there hahaha... i thought something was wrong with the pipes"

i love that my family is so open with bodily functions...haha
well everyone have a great weekend....

Monday, May 15, 2006

mothers day

soooo... yesterday was mothers day. and my mom was being especially unpleasant but that's besides the point. my dad called me yesterday to tear me a new asshole about moving the rest of my belongings out of the old apt. so i was like well i'm coming later to get more stuff..."it better be out by the end of the week" blahblahblah... soo...later that day i was like f him and his attitude i don't feel like dealing with him so i'm just not going to go tonight. so at 9:30pm i called him from my cell phone while at my sister's house. and i'm like "yeah i'm just gonna come another day, happy mothers day" hes like "yeah thanks" i'm like trying to be all smart and make him look worse than me so i'm like "did you call age yet?" (she's my sister and is a new mother) and hes like "no" and i'm like "ooooooooooooooooooo you're bad!!!!" hes like "i'll call her now" meanwhile i'm sitting right next to her and her and i are hysterical laughing. age is like he's not going to call me and i'm like oh yeah he is... and sure enough no more than 30 seconds later the phone rings and guess who it is...hahaha sucker!

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

thesugarv

the sugarv has testicle tongue....seriously he does i saw it...ask him about it...
i looked it up online apparently you can get it from going down on guys...hmmm

Friday, February 10, 2006

BJ

So i went to the billy joel concert last night....which was FREAKING AMAZING...i love him and wish he was related to me in some way. anyway...i went with my friend tina...and we were like nah we wont drink we'd rather get to our seats on time and not miss any of the show (plus we had already gone to a bar)....so we're sitting there waiting...watching everyone around us drinking their beer out of a plastic mug with a pretzel rod sticking out of it and we're both staring. finally tina is like I WANT THAT PRETZEL ROD! so i'm like shit so do i! i think i have time to get it. so i run and wait on this insane line just to get the beer with the pretzel rod. finally i get up near the front...i'm #2 in line and the guy ahead of me was being helped. and the woman helping him sort of had a wandering eye. one would look at you, the other behind you. so she's like "can i help the next person in line?" but she wasnt looking at me she was looking at the lady behind me...and shes' like ma'am (with an attitude) are you with him? and i'm like "i'm sorry are you talking to me?" shes like "yea unless you want me to skip you and help the lady behind you" so now i'm like what a fucking bitch. dont give me an attitude bc you can look at two people at one time. and the guy in front of me looked at me and started laughing like i see why you were having that problem dont worry type of thing. so anyway then she asked me for my ID (now i'm just assuming shes talking to me 1. cuz she was helping me and 2. bc i look like a 17 year old boy) and the 40 year old woman behind me goes "wait you wanna see MY id?" and the woman goes "no i know you're old enough why do you think i'd be talking to you?"

HOW DOES THIS WOMAN NOT KNOW THAT HER EYES ARE LIKE THAT?!?!?!?!?!
not that there's anything wrong with that? but dont give me an attitude

Monday, February 06, 2006

what the fuck?

i know i havent posted in a long time but me and my dad couldnt stop laughing so i thought i'd share....
my dad and i were just watching tv, when a commercial came on. it was a guy sniffing a sock to see if it was clean (my dad just "just like a guy")...then his wife comes in and looks at him like thats disgusting...then they said female's version of clean is different than a males version...and proceeding to show a bottle of SUMMER'S EVE!! are you fucking kidding me? me and my dad were laughing so fucking hard...and my dad goes "what a lead in!" and and pretending to spray an imaginary bottle of summer's eve on his junk....it was hysterical....how the hell do you go from a man smelling a sock to fucking summer's eve? can someone please explain this to me?

Friday, December 23, 2005

A very short christmas story

so i have some little cranky bitches complaining that i don't really blog anymore...so here you go!...i think it's a funny story...if you dont like it you can lick my asshole...aaannnnyyywwwaaayyy...
scene: my friend matt and i decided we were going to exchange gifts this year...
(ring ring)
me:hello?
matt: hi, sooooooo....what do you want for christmas?
me: i dont know...i'm easy get me whatever...
matt: well if you were a gift that the freakyv would want...what would you be...or what store would you be in?
me: dude just figure it out...it's not that hard...
matt: fine i'll buy you a bra
me: umm...ok if you really want...you dont know my size
matt: what are you talking about? i've touched your boobies before...i'll just go in...hold my hands up squeeze the air and say she's about this big.

i need new friends...
merry christmas everybody!